I really thought I was going to die last year.  To prepare, I filled out the final wishes form.  Next, I made an attempt to simplify my financial records. I said thank you to all the people who have been helping me the last few years. I had a garage sale. What the heck, I thought, I would be the one to get the money if I had one before I died.

Just as I thought things were going to get worse, they were already terrible, I started coming out of the methotrexate fog.  I could think clearly again.  O happy days.  At least I had my mind.  Both cancers could return.  My RA could leave me immobilized.  Yet, I would be able to read.  My favorite thing to do.  Preston and Child’s Pendergast series. Baldacci’s adventures. All the fascinating medical books. I could be happy.

The methotrexate injections, Plaquenil, leflunomide and the prednisone finally calmed the ever-present inflammation in my body.  This was after 2 years.  And it may not last long, but it is still a possibility.

With my fancy orthopedic shoes, great inserts. (It is a shame medical insurance doesn’t cover this.), my feet are in half their regular pain.  Expensive, yes, very. But so worth it.

This week I have been doing my conditioning exercises. Today I went for a 20-minute walk in the open space and watched the Canada Geese hanging out on the Rio Grande.

I did not die in 2014.  My story is good for now.  Life is better and I don’t expect to die in 2015.

Such a relief.