After an MRI of my lumbar spine. Seeing the bad news. Being sent to yet another specialist. Spine and Pain Clinic. I was totally discouraged. In the same small office complex, I visit my rheumatologist, my neurologist, my oncologist, my palliative care nurse and now a pain doc. And this is just one of the office buildings I visit.
I was discouraged because I could see it as another proof that my body was falling apart. Am I on a steep slippery slope looking downwards? Scary.
I was scared. Then, as if by magic, my Irish-French Canadian genes kick in.
What to do?
A long time ago I had come to the conclusion that I needed to keep my primary focus on the activities of my life. My writing. My family. My friends. My Hobbit House Projects.
I would not ignore my medical issues. I would care for them well. And then I would bring my focus back to the activities of my life. Sometimes I could do more and sometimes less. It worked for a while.
The next step in managing my situation was to realize that in spite of not feeling well, I still needed to carry on. My new norm is disability and a worsening prognosis. So I decided it was time to learn to live with it, put it in its place and keep going.
I am in a physical therapy program for my spine and am going to warm water arthritis classes for my RA. I have even started the long requested CSN blog for the board.
People I know continue to carry on with their projects. Their brain cancer, stage 4 breast cancer, kidney cancer doesn’t stop them. I see pain in their eyes sometimes. They continue on. They are role models for me. They motivate me to carry on with my projects and my life. If they can do it, so can I.